How to understand emotions and not let them control you?
It’s so important to be able to understand your emotions and not let them control you.
Managing and dealing with difficult feelings is one of the biggest challenges we face in our everyday lives.
Especially when they start to dictate how we behave and make decisions.
However, we can lack of emotional control but we can learn how to eliminate negative emotions.
When people try and understand emotions, they often focus on the past or worry about the future.
But the truth is that the present is all that matters for the person feeling the emotion.
This is best understood when one considers that it is the person who is feeling the emotion who is in control.
Therefore, the way to understanding emotions is to understand that they can never control you; you decide..
The good news is that there are ways to understand what we’re feeling, and even better techniques for not letting emotions take control.
What is an emotion?
We experience emotions because of physiological responses; a current circumstance or a memory stimulates our bodies, and we react.
If you are unable to control your emotions, they can overwhelm you and completely take over your whole existence.
Thus, it is vital to have a thorough understanding of the process of emotions.
For example, emotions are necessary for survival, making judgments, taking action, making choices, and preventing danger.
The process of emotion is built on three fundamental elements.
Subjective Experience
Subjective experience is basically how you feel about something that happened to you.
A dream could be a subjective experience because it only happened in your mind, or an emotion like happiness could be a personal experience because it’s how you’re feeling in the moment.
Everyone experiences things differently, so something intense for one person might not have been a big deal for someone else.
That’s why it’s essential not to let your emotions control you because they’re based on your own subjective experience and might not be accurate.
Instead, take a step back and look at the situation objectively to ensure you’re not overreacting.
Example:
If a loved one passes away, I can be sad; simply, another person who has the same loved one can be filled with guilt and grief as well.
(However, even if the same loved one passed away, they may feel mixed emotions).
Physiological Response
When a scenario triggers the body, it will naturally respond to that situation.
These responses create behavioral changes and prepare the body to take action.
Skin temperature changes, an increase or decrease in heart rate, a vasomotor reaction, and blood pressure changes are the four most common physiological reactions that occur in the body.
Example:
A stranger approaches behind and begins walking very quickly to catch up with me in an alley.
That’s when my nervous system kicks in and governs my body.
The reason is because I sense danger, my body responds, my heart begins to beat faster, and I begin to sweat.
Behavior Responses
It is the emotional reaction to the expression triggered by the surrounding circumstances.
Example:
F someone is hidden, they suddenly appear out of nowhere and yell BOO!
In my responses, I exhibit a wide range of emotions.
I can shout, faint, and hit that person; all of these are responses in my conduct that result from a disturbing, unpleasant, or dangerous situation.
Emotions vs. Moods vs. Feelings
Types of emotions
In this beautiful world, there are many different types of feelings.
Feelings are generated from emotions that define our actions.
For that reason, our feelings will have an impact on our behaviors.
That is why we should learn how to communicate our feelings rather than suppressing them to the point where they do not affect or impact our actions towards another individual.
There are two sorts of categories that we use to classify emotions.
I provided the following table with the primary and secondary classifications, which is more thorough.
How to be aware of your emotions
One of the most important coping mechanisms I use to deal with my emotions is labeling them.
By identifying how I’m feeling, I can better understand why I feel that way and how to cope with it.
Remember, people deal with their emotions in many ways; just because something worked for me does not guarantee it will work for you.
For example:
When I am angry, I don’t insult, scream, or otherwise express myself negatively.
Instead, I clean and organize my home; when my boyfriend is angry, he goes blow steam and plays tennis with the wall, you know, one-on-one with a wall, so he can get his frustration out and not on me.
Another example:
If I’m feeling sad, I can allow myself to cry and release the emotions.
In any case, if I find myself getting overwhelmed by my emotions, I’ll take a step back and try to assess the situation logically.
This helps me prevent my emotions from controlling me and making impulsive decisions.
Emotions also influence how you engage and connect with other people.
Overall, understanding and labeling my emotions has been vital in coping with them effectively.
Just don’t forget!
Everyone has a different approach to diverting their attention.
Diverting is done to digest, think, and assess your feelings.
How to process and control your emotions
Many people can’t control their emotions.
These reasons can range from mental illness to anxiety and stress.
There are a few techniques that one can use in order to manage these emotions better and not let them take over.
Nurturing your emotions
Learning how to not let emotions control you is a process that requires nurturance and practice.
Just like any other skill, the more you work on it, the better you will become at managing your emotions.
One way to nurture your emotions is to practice self-care.
To give your emotions some love you need to nurture them with
7 components of self-care
- Physical: Active or passive movement such as walking, running, or swimming;
- Mental: Activities to stimulate the brain such as puzzles or reading;
- Social: Spending time with friends, family members, or peers;
- Practical: Learning new information like in a course by a university;
- Spiritual: Connecting with something larger than oneself, such as God of the universe;
- Emotional: Experiencing strong feelings such as joy, sadness, anger, etc.;
- Professional: Refers to matters about work, including balancing work and coworkers and maintaining a balanced work environment.
When you take care of yourself in all of these areas, it helps to reduce stress and promote a sense of calm.
In turn, this can help you to manage your emotions better.
So if you want to learn how to not let emotions control you, make sure to nurture all aspects of yourself with self-care.
To give you an idea:
A lack of self-confidence may lead to feelings of sadness, fatigue, poor self-esteem, anxiety, insecurities, and guilt, leading to vulnerability.
Now, let's check out a few steps to nurture your emotional health care
The first step is acknowledging your feelings without judgment.
Second is learning how to soothe yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed or under distress.
Third is developing a support system of close friends or family members who understand and accept you.
Fourth is building healthy coping mechanisms for when life gets tough.
Fifth is making time for things that make you happy, even when it feels like there’s no time for fun.
Sixth is recognizing that you are worthy of taking care of yourself, and seventh is knowing that taking care of yourself doesn’t make you selfish–it makes you strong.
Still unable to control emotions; do this:
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Create a routine/schedule that will allow you to maintain a healthy work/life balance.
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Schedule/routine can help you in learning to cope with stress, as well as anxiety.
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Learn to prioritize your tasks and make a to-do list; you will feel fantastic once you start checking things off your list of things to accomplish.
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Process the situation, do not dwell on the past; learn to move forward and cope with your emotions. Also, recommend jotting down your thoughts and feelings in a journal/diary.
What the heck!!
Do all three to-do lists, schedule/routine, and journal/diary
Extra tip
Spend some alone time with yourself to recharge your batteries.
It’s calming to sit at a café and drink tea or coffee while reading a book or people-watching.
Find a suitable location for you to unwind!!
Ohh!!!!
It’s essential to stay away from toxic people; unhealthy relationships and toxic friendships aren’t something you need in your life.
Instead, you must surround yourself with optimistic people if you want to feel good about yourself.
That same energy you send will be sent back to you by them as well!!
And we want them to be good people; we want them to be happy people.
Can't control and regulate your emotions?
If you are still unable to regulate your emotions, recognize that you need professional help.
Connect with a support group online for therapy; or attempt to contact and speak with a close friend, coworker, or family member in person.
Someone you believe you can rely on and trust.
If you follow any of these recommendations, you will benefit in various ways.
It would mark the beginning of not just emotional self-care but also the nurturing of your whole well-being.
And keep in mind that you are not alone!
You can speak with a professional.
You can also find online anonymous support groups that might aid you in dealing with your feelings.
Resources for emotional and mental support
Resources for emotional support and well-being – Coronavirus COVID-19 Response (ca.gov)
Best Online Therapy Services in 2021 (verywellmind.com)
We would love to hear from you – what are your favorite methods for managing your emotions?
Leave us a comment below or subscribe to our newsletter self-care, and we will continue the conversation with you.
Until then, take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself in this challenging world.
